It almost seems wrong for me to review Valentine’s Day, as it’s so obviously not the sort of film for people who watch a lot of movies and then write about them. It’s for people who want something light, frothy and predicable, which they can watch with their partner and play spot the star, without worrying they’ll ever have to think about anything.
And boy can you play spot the star, as nearly everyone famous in Hollywood turns up at one point or another. There’s Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Aston Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, Shirley MacLaine, Julia Roberts and Taylor Swift, amongst others.
However, just from that list you might spot a potential problem. You’ve only got two hours and you’ve got to fit all that lot in, many paired up for their own little Valentine’s Day tale, while a few are running around being single and miserable about it. It’s a tough ask and one that Valentine’s Day butts up against time and time again.
The problem with ensemble films is that without a strong vision they feel incredibly episodic and random. Valentine’s Day definitely struggles with this, as while the stories are tangentially linked together, it largely feels like an awful lot of separate bits and pieces shoved together to make a film. It would be okay if it felt like there was over-arching point to what it was doing, or even if it went the Love Actually route and managed to create a sense of overwhelming romance. It’d even be okay if it was very funny. Unfortunately it’s none of these things.
However it’s not actively bad, it’s just rather nondescript and seems to go on forever. Whether it’s Julia Roberts and Bradley Cooper stuck together on a plane, or Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift making romantic plans, it’s rather difficult to care too much about what you’re seeing. Potentially the most interesting story involves Emma Roberts (Julia’s niece), who’s planning to lose her virginity during school lunch break, but there’s no time to really deal with this, and it’s presented in a fairly anodyne manner anyway. As with an increasing amount of Hollywood product, it’s just a lot of things happening, rather than being a proper film. You’ve seen each little story 100 times before, because the film seems to think there’s no time to deal with anything the audience won’t immediately understand. It’s never dreadful, but it’s never particularly good either.
Thankfully, despite the lacklustre, cliché-filled script, the acting isn’t bad. As occasionally happens with this type of movie, you get to see why some people are a-list stars and some aren’t, as despite her limited screentime, Julia Roberts shines through. Everyone else seems to be having a good time as well, even if it doesn’t add up to all the much. It’s just a series of very standard love stories, told in a fairly pedestrian manner, in an inoffensive way. That’s fair enough, but it’s difficult not to leave the film feeling that while Valentine’s Day is kind of okay, for a film about love it lacks heart.
Personally, my recommendation would be that if you want an ensemble movie about love this Valentine’s Day, try and find a copy of the severely underappreciated 1999 movie, Playing By Heart, starring the likes of Angelina Jolie, Sean Connery, Gillian Anderson, Ryan Philippe and Dennis Quaid. That also had numerous intertwined stories but in Playing By Heart there seemed to be a point, with every section dissecting a different aspect of love, from the excitement of first meetings to the difficulties of growing old together. While there’s a vague attempt at that in Valentine’s Day, it’s mainly about fluff and trying to keep as many balls in the air as possible (there’s almost the feeling that the script was designed so they could cut a few stories out in post-production if they weren’t working, but with so many stars in the cast, every tale had to be kept in, even if that meant too little time to properly tell any of them).
With so much going on, there’s never any time for it to coalesce into anything except a series of sentimental moments. However like I said, I almost feel I shouldn’t be reviewing this, as it isn’t for people like me. It’s the cinematic equivalent of comfort food, where it’s not so important that it’s filling as it is that you know that it’s safe, predictable and there won’t be any surprises. It’s a date movie for couples who just want something sweet and nice and which is unlikely to offend or upset anyone.
As this weekend is Valentine’s Day (what a coincidence they decided to bring the film out now!), it should find a fairly receptive audience, who’ll enjoy its sugar-coated, episodic nature, and not care that it’s about as deep as a puddle (but then, it’s not meant to be). Most definitely not in the audience will be the sort of people who write film reviews for a living, unless they’ve been dragged along by their partner.
Needless to say, if you’re one of those people who hates Valentine’s Day, avoid this like the plague, as it is slightly like the greeting cards industry got together to make a promotional movie for the faux-holiday. I can’t say I recommend Valentine’s Day, as it’s lacklustre, twee and ridiculously lightweight, but I can at least understand why some might find it undemanding sentimentality appealing, as long as their only prerequisite is that a film shouldn’t be bad, rather than demanding that it be good.
Overall Verdict: A ridiculously star-filled ensemble flick about love, that suffers from having too many stories and not enough that are genuinely interesting. It’s sweet and nice, but not particularly satisfying.
Reviewer: Tim Isaac
